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New Fic: Culinary Cabaret

Culinary Cabaret
Fandom: Stargate SG-1
Rated: PG
Category: Team, Humor.
Season: Any. Probably early in the series.
Spoilers: None.
Summary: Teal’c experiences fine cooking, Mexican style. There’s also singing. And talk of cake.
Note: Happy Cinco de Mayo a few minutes years* late, everyone!


Jack O’Neill gestured grandly as he set a plate down on his picnic table.

“Taquitos for everyone!” he announced proudly.

Samantha Carter and Daniel Jackson nodded their thanks at their chef and reached to put a few of his offerings on their plates, but the fourth member of SG-1 merely raised an eyebrow at his CO.

“Is that not the same as the flauta, O’Neill?” asked Teal’c, indicating another plate.

“Oh, no,” said Jack. “A flauta has a wheat covering, but a taquito uses a corn tortilla.”

Daniel raised an eyebrow of his own at Sam, who did likewise, but neither Jack or Teal’c noticed their surprise at Jack’s knowledge. They were too busy continuing their debate.

“A trivial difference, O’Neill.”

“To some, maybe.”

A tinge of irritation crept into Jack’s voice. Teal’c noticed and decided to change the subject.

“Regardless, what is this other dish?” he asked, sampling both the flautas and the taquitos as Daniel and Sam tucked into their own plates.

“Tamales!” beamed Jack.

“And these are tacos, correct?” asked Teal’c, pointing to yet another dish on the crowded table.

“Yeah,” confirmed Jack, “but those aren’t like any you’ve had from Taco Bell, T. Those are hand-made. I get ‘em special from the lady down the street.”

“They’re good, too,” said Daniel. “Be sure to tell her thanks.”

Sam nodded her agreement, then went back to eating. She and Daniel were uncharacteristically quiet and Jack started to wonder if he should shove food in their faces more often, but he held his tongue.

“I see,” said Teal’c, as he gestured to a final dish. “And these are?”

“My favorite,” answered Jack. “Enchiladas. Chicken and cheese variety. I made those myself.”

Teal’c added a large serving of enchiladas to the flautas and taquitos on his plate, then tossed a tamale on for good measure. After taking a few bites, he paused thoughtfully.


“Yeah?” mumbled Jack, his own mouth full.

“I believe I very much like this Cinco de Mayo.”

Teal’c’s voice was as serious as ever, and as usual, it caused the slightest pause in his listeners, but after a moment, the rest of SG-1 erupted in laugher.

Jack clapped one hand on Teal’c’s shoulder as he answered him. “You and me both, T. You and me both.”

And so it was that on a day celebrating a battle, SG-1 took a break from their own war.

The food was good and the company was better, and all in all it was a very good day. So much so that the fun lasted long into the night, and no one thought to end the festivities for a long, long time.

That is, not until Daniel and Sam both had one too many cervezas and started to sing.

As they began another chorus of some song they both knew well but that mystified Jack and clearly confused Teal’c, Jack’s hand reached for his phone.

“Who are you calling, O’Neill?” asked Teal’c.

“A cab to take these two home. It’s time, don’t you think?” answered Jack.

“Indeed,” agreed Teal’c. “I shall join them. But perhaps, before we go…”

Teal’c trailed off and nodded his head toward Jack’s bookshelf, where an old camcorder sat, covered in a layer of dust.

Jack’s eyes grew wide as he gleaned Teal’c’s meaning, and he grinned wickedly.

Half an hour later, a cab pulled up outside, and five minutes after that, Jack was alone in his living room. He took a long pull from his beer, then removed the tape from the camcorder and stuck it in his VCR.

When the tape started playing, Jack laughed out loud.

The song, and its delivery by a drunken archeologist and an inebriated astrophysicist, was as atrocious as ever, but he was oh so glad to have a recording of it.

Jack sat back as the song finished up and took another swig of beer, then chuckled quietly.

Soon, he would be back to fighting aliens on other planets, but for now, he rewound the tape and watched it again, secure in the knowledge that it would come in handy some day and enjoying the fact that it was Teal’c, of all people, who suggested the recording.

Because, really, that was just the icing on the cake of a fabulous day, and Jack O’Neill loved icing. Cake, too, for that matter.

Jack laughed out loud again at that thought and realized one thing he’d forgotten for the party.

Granted, it wasn’t exactly necessary, but next year?

Oh, but there would be a next year. And they would so be having cake.


*Note: this fic was written on 5/5/2010. Somehow, I've never posted it. Until now.


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