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New Fic: Covert Operations

Covert Operations
Fandom: Stargate SG-1
Rated: PG
Category: Gen, Humor, Team.
Season: Any, though Carter is a Major. I suspect season three, personally.
Spoilers: None.
Summary: Jack gets caught red-handed - or something like that.
Word Count: 1041
Disclaimer: Just playing in the gateroom. Don’t mind me.
Note: This one is 100%, completely and totally, without a doubt, all for taj_mahal07 . Again.


General Hammond looked around the table at each member of SG-1 as he closed the folder in front of him. When no one spoke, he nodded.

“I think that’s everything. You’re dismissed.”

Nods met the General all around, and he stood up. Jack and Sam stood as he left the room, then sat back down to collect their things. As they both shuffled their own reports into the proper folders, Teal’c’s deep baritone voice interrupted.


Jack didn’t look up from his task. “Yeah, T?”

“Did you not say you would take me the next time you ingested frozen water delicacies?”

That got Jack’s attention. He turned to face Teal’c while Sam gave Daniel a questioning look. Daniel shrugged, then joined Sam in glancing back and forth between Jack and Teal’c.

“What?” asked Jack.

“Unless I am mistaken,” said Teal’c, “I was to accompany you.”

“To where?” replied Jack, clearly confused.

Teal’c turned to Daniel. “Doctor Jackson, please clarify something for me.”

Daniel looked wary, and his response was slow in coming. “Okaaaay. What?”

“I seem to have forgotten the human word I require,” said Teal’c. “Something involving winter precipitation.”

“Snow?” asked Daniel.

“Yes,” replied Teal’c. “But that is not all. I require the colloquial phrase for the frozen, flavored confections sold at roadside huts in summer.”

Sam blinked and answered for Daniel. “Snow cones?”

“Yes,” said Teal’c. “Thank you, Major Carter.”

“You’re welcome,” said Sam, obviously as confused as Daniel.

Jack, however, no longer looked mystified. Instead, he closed his eyes and let out a small sigh. It was a very short-lived gesture, however, and if anyone saw it, they didn’t acknowledge it. And soon, Jack was all innocence again as he looked back at his team.

“T, what are you talking about?” asked Jack.

“You had a ‘snow cone’ last Tuesday. I expressed an interest in trying one myself. You said you would take me to get one when next you went.”

“And?” prompted Jack.

“Clearly you did not.”

Jack blinked. “What are you talking about?”

“You have very recently made a trip to this place and did not invite me.”

“I did nothing of the sort, T.”

“You did.”

“I did not,” said Jack, still all innocence.

Teal’c gave Jack a long, hard stare at his continued denial and slowly stood.

“As you wish, O’Neill. You may continue to deny this all you want, but I shall know the truth, and believe me, I will remember it.”

Jack shrugged. “Okay, have it your way.”

Teal’c inclined his head toward Jack and raised one eyebrow in an expression that was decidedly not respect, then walked silently from the room.

Daniel stared at Jack wordlessly for a moment, then spoke slowly.

“You should have just taken him.”

“What are you talking about?” demanded Jack.

“I mean, I get it if you forgot or whatever,” continued Daniel, “But there’s really no reason to lie about it.”

Sam nodded in agreement. “He’s right, you know, sir.”

“I’m not lying!” protested Jack. “I did nothing of the sort! I’ve been here on base all day!”

Daniel gave Jack a look of blatant skepticism.

“So, you wouldn’t have had a little ‘covert operation’ this morning?” he asked, complete with air quote gesturing.

Jack shook his head. “Nope. Don’t know what you’re talking about, Daniel.”

Sam snickered quietly, but the men didn’t notice.

Jack just glared at Daniel while Daniel stared back in astonishment.

“Alright. Fine. I give up,” said Daniel, throwing his hands in the air. “I’m with Teal’c on this. You tell yourself whatever you have to.”

Daniel then followed Teal’c’s example and left without another word.

Sam continued to stare at Jack for a long moment. Her eyes were wide with disbelief, too. Finally, she spoke up.

“Really, sir?”

“What?” replied Jack, surly and growing confused again. “Why is everyone looking at me like I’m the Grinch Who Stole Christmas?”

“Well, sir,” said Sam, “There’s plausible deniability… and then there’s this.”

“Oh, for cryin’ out loud!” said Jack. “What are you talking about?”

Sam didn’t answer. She just bit her lip, closed her eyes, and shook her head. She had a funny little grin on her face, and after a moment, Jack could take no more.

“Carter,” he said, all business.

Sam straightened up and looked directly at Jack. Her grin vanished and she spoke plainly, as any good subordinate should, though a small sparkle of amusement still danced behind her eyes.

“It’s nothing, sir.”

Jack raised an eyebrow at his 2IC in disbelief, but decided not to push the issue. He just wanted this conversation over. “Fine,” he said, and started to stand. As he collected the last of this things, Carter’s hesitant voice made him sit back down with a sigh. Apparently, this wasn’t done after all.

“Um… sir?”

“Yeah, Carter?”

When Sam answered, her voice was no longer hesitant at all. It was matter-of-fact and more than a bit smug.

“Your tongue is blue.”

Sam stood up and left then, breaking all sorts of military protocol by becoming the third member of Jack O’Neill’s team to abandon him without so much as a by your leave. For a long moment, Jack didn’t speak, either. He stayed rooted to his chair, and the briefing room was silent. Then, without warning, Jack’s voice rang out.

“Son of a bitch!”

The cackle that answered him from outside the door told him that his team wasn’t really upset with his deception, but it also told him that he would never hear the end of this. He knew from experience that while Teal’c would mostly remain stoic, Sam would usually continue to maintain military decorum, and Daniel would publicly appear well-behaved, he would be the victim of raised eyebrows and barely restrained grins for weeks and snide comments for months. Jack placed one hand over his face and sighed, then shook his head at his own oversight. The irony of the situation made him chuckle. He’d faced down the worst his own planet had to offer and then gone looking for fights around the galaxy, but he couldn’t manage to fool his own team about his clandestine trip off base for a snow cone in between briefings that morning.

So much for covert operations.


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