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New Fic: And to All a Goa'uld Night

And to All a Goa’uld Night
Fandom: Stargate SG-1
Rated: PG
Category: Humor, Team. Jack, Cassie, and Teal’c Focus. Holiday Fic.
Season: One.
Spoilers: Singularity.
Summary: Cassie (and Teal’c) have questions on their first Christmas. Jack has answers. Or does he?
Word Count: 981
Note: Happy Christmas to All, and to All a Goa’uld Night!


Friday nights had a way of arranging themselves so that the majority of SG-1, if not the entire team, ended up at Janet Fraiser’s house. This particular Friday was no exception, and Jack O’Neill found himself sitting on the sofa while Cassandra (the main reason they all ended up there to begin with these days) puttered around the room. As Cassie pulled a book off the bookshelf, thumbed through it, and then replaced it, she called out to Jack.

“Hey, Uncle Jack?”

“Yeah, Cass?”

“Can I ask you a question?”

Jack grinned and started to answer when Cassie quickly spoke again.

“After that one, I mean.”

Jack’s grinned faded a bit, since he didn’t get to give Cassie his usual response of ‘you already did,’ but then it resurfaced as he realized that Cassie clearly was getting to know him too well for his own good.

“Sure, kiddo. Shoot,” he said.

“Okay. Um… well, I heard some kids talking… and I saw some pictures… and I was wondering…”

Cassie trailed off and began to look a bit uncomfortable. Jack started to panic. He began to think that he might want to get out of this conversation quickly. He scanned the room for Janet or Sam, who had both been there only a moment ago, but they were nowhere to be found. Jack swallowed and focused his attention back on Cassie, hoping she wasn’t going to ask him about the birds and the bees.

Fortunately, his anxiety was short-lived. Cassie found her voice again, and asked a question he felt he could handle.

“So, um, well… who’s Santa Claus?”

Jack breathed a sigh of relief and smiled. He patted the empty spot next to him on the couch. “Oh! Santa Claus! Come over here and I’ll tell you.”

Cassie obliged and flopped down on the couch next to Jack.

Twenty minutes later, Cassandra was staring at Jack in complete bewilderment.

Slowly, she blinked. Then she spoke just as slowly.

“So, this guy lives at the North Pole?”

“Yep,” said Jack.

“And he has a workforce of ‘elves’ who build toys all year long?”

“Affirmative,” answered Jack.

“And he rides around in a flying sleigh?”

“Yes,  ma’am,” confirmed Jack again.

Cassie bit her lip, then slowly shook her head.

“I’m sorry, Uncle Jack. That just doesn’t make any sense.”

“It’s not supposed to make sense, Cassie! It’s magic, see?”

Cassie didn’t look convinced, but Jack was spared any further interrogation from the pre-teen by the timely intervention of Teal’c.

The Jaffa wandered in from the kitchen and sat next to Cassie on the far end of the couch. Through the swinging door that separated the two rooms, Jack glimpsed Sam and Janet talking to Daniel, then the door swung shut again, effectively leaving him alone with Cassie and Teal’c.

“Hello, Cassandra,” greeted Teal’c.

“Hi, Uncle T,” answered Cassie. She gave him a small wave and a smile.

Teal’c nodded back. He and Cassie had long ago formed a bond of kinship. Being the only two aliens around forced them into a friendship of sorts, despite Teal’c’s larval Goa’uld.

“What are you discussing with Colonel O’Neill?” asked Teal’c.

“Santa Claus,” answered Cassie.

Teal’c’s brow furrowed. “What is a Santa Claus?”

“Oy! Not you, too!” exclaimed Jack.

Teal’c and Cassie both turned to look at Jack.

Jack sighed. “Apparently, I need to tell this story again,” said Jack.

Cassie and Teal’c just stared back at him. After a moment, Jack spoke again.

“Alright. Fine. Here goes. First off, Teal’c, it’s not ‘a Santa Claus.’ It’s just Santa Claus. And he’s a ‘who,’ not a ‘what.’”

Another twenty minutes later, Jack finished speaking with an emphatic gesture.

“And that, lady and gentleman, is the story of Santa Claus.”

Cassie, having already heard the story once, had grown bored and was leaning back into her couch cushion. She seemed to have tuned out Jack’s words some time ago, and she didn’t respond to his conclusion.

Teal’c, however, stared at Jack as only a very confused alien could. His expression mirrored the one Cassandra had worn when she first heard the tale. He was completely baffled.

After a long moment, he spoke very carefully.

“And this being visits every house in the world? In one night?” he asked, skepticism apparent in his voice.

Jack nodded. “Yep.”

“How is this possible?”

“Carter might say it’s some sort of rift in the space-time continuum or something, but I say it’s magic. Pure magic.” Jack beamed at Teal’c and Cassie, who was still silent, but was now watching Teal’c’s reaction closely.

“It is my understanding that what is perceived as magic is often nothing more than advanced technology,” said Teal’c.

Jack sighed. “Teal’c , come on. Help me out here. It’s part of the holiday, okay? Can we just leave it at that?”

Teal’c thought that over for a moment, then slowly nodded.

“Finally,” sighed Jack. “Now, I think I need a drink.”

Jack stood and left in search of a beer. Teal’c watched him go, then turned to Cassandra.

She was watching Jack’s retreating back with an expression of doubt on her face.

“Do you believe him, Cassandra Fraiser?”

Cassie snorted. “No way. That’s the nuttiest story he’s ever told me, and that’s saying something.”

“Agreed,” intoned Teal’c.

And that was the end of it. Neither Cassie nor Teal’c asked Jack about Santa Claus ever again.

Their reason for this was simple, and it never changed. Though Cassie would go along with the game for several years and pretend she believed, it was never true. And though Teal’c would tolerate the ruse for the sake of his teammates, he would never vary in his actual belief, either.

For Cassie and Teal’c had made their minds up right then and there. Despite the supposed gift-giving, and no matter what Jack tried to tell them, they would never believe this Santa character wasn’t a Goa’uld.



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