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New Fic: Best Christmas Ever

Best Christmas Ever
Fandom: Stargate SG-1
Rated: G
Category: Vignette (685 words). Team, Humor.
Season: Anytime before season six.
Spoilers: None.
Summary: Sometimes things don’t work out like you plan - and that’s okay.
Prompt: The team is due back from a mission - one returns. Where are the others?


Jack O’Neill came charging through the event horizon just as it whooshed out of existence.

Since the entirety of SG-1 was due back, General Hammond was more than a bit concerned. He called down to the gateroom from the control room.

“Colonel O’Neill, where is the rest of your team?” he demanded. “Is everything alright?”

Jack waved a hand in the air. “No time to explain, sir. Everything’s fine. But I need a turkey ASAP.”

“A turkey?” asked Hammond.

“Yes, sir, a turkey. Biggest one we can find.”

“May I ask what for?”

Jack grinned. “For eating, sir. See, the kids on Abydos wouldn’t let us leave without us showing them a proper Christmas feast. Daniel’s been going on and on about how it’s Christmas here on Earth and all the ways people celebrate it and, well, you know how he gets. Those kids are so excited you’d think they were waiting on Santa. And between Teal’c, Sam, Daniel, and the locals, they’ve got everything else pretty well covered. I just need the turkey.”

Hammond wasn’t sure whether to laugh or have Jack checked for insanity, but after a moment he decided that his 2IC’s story was just too bizarre to be false.

“Alright, fine,” said Hammond. “I’m sure there’s a turkey in the commissary somewhere. Help yourself.”

Ten minutes later, Jack was ready to return to Abydos. He carried two huge frozen turkeys - one under each arm.

“Thank you, General,” said Jack. “I’ll have the kids home in no time. Just have to have a bit of Christmas dinner first.”

“Oh, don’t thank me,” said Hammond. “Thank Santa.”

Jack’s brow furrowed. “What?”

“He’s why I’m granting you permission to return to Abydos and not disciplining your entire team on the spot.”

“Excuse me?” asked Jack.

Just then, Sergeant Siler walked in the gateroom. He was carrying a large red Santa suit and wearing a huge grin. It didn’t take Jack long to figure out the gig.

“Oh, no,” he said. “No way.”

Hammond beamed and blinked innocently at Jack, then he shrugged. “Alright, then, Colonel, no turkey for you.”

Hammond moved to take the birds from Jack, but the Colonel stepped backwards. Hammond grinned again.

“You want the birds, you wear the suit,” he said. “Those are my terms. You said the Abydonians were expecting Santa, right?”

Jack opened and closed his mouth a few times, but finally snapped it shut and sighed.

“Alright. Fine. Give me the suit.”

Siler handed it over with a barely contained smirk and Hammond, while maintaining every bit of composure befitting his rank, had a twinkle in his eye that could only be described as pure evil.

Jack snatched the suit out of Siler’s hands and pulled it on over his uniform. There was ample room for that. Then he donned the hat and beard that Siler next provided.

Ten minutes later, Santa arrived on Abydos, and the turkey he brought was indeed delicious. It was a great gift. But it was nothing compared to the fun of Santa’s actual presence.

After all, Daniel had taught the Abydonians all about sitting on Santa’s knee and telling him their heart’s desires. And while playing Santa for a hundred desert nomads wasn’t exactly Jack’s cup of tea, the Abydonians weren’t taking any chances with angering the big guy. They wanted in on the game.

And so with a forced grin that turned real when the first six year old sat on his lap, Jack O’Neill engaged in what had to be the most bizarre Christmas spectacle of all time, and he seemed to actually enjoy it. He kept up his merry act despite the stifling heat and gritty sand that got everywhere. He smiled even when some children wailed in his ear. He was, for the most part, quite a lovely Santa. He made sure he shot a glare to his teammates from time to time, though, just to be sure they knew he didn’t like being forced into his role, and they made sure to give him thoroughly amused looks right back.

It was the best Christmas ever.


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 24th, 2009 08:10 am (UTC)
Wonderful story! I have a huge grin on my face now. Thank you!

Merry Christmas!
Dec. 24th, 2009 03:21 pm (UTC)
You're welcome, my friend. Hope you and yours are well and I'm glad I could bring a smile.
Dec. 24th, 2009 12:26 pm (UTC)
Jack and kids and Christmas... there's nothing better. *happy*
Dec. 24th, 2009 03:21 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you liked it!
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )


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