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New Fic: There But For The Grace

There But For The Grace
Author:  jackwabbit
Fandom: Harry Potter
Rated: PG
Category: Vignette, Remus Lupin Focus.
Spoilers:  Half Blood Prince. Occurs during the funeral.
Summary:  Sometimes, one person can really make a difference after all.
Disclaimer:  Accio, Copyrights! Oh, darn. Wand backfired. Well, it was worth a shot.

---

I could be him.

Greyback.

I could.

I know that sounds crazy, but it’s true.

I see Bill Weasley sitting there, cursed scars still seeping, and I understand.

As horrifying as it is, I do.

I completely comprehend why Greyback does what he does.

No one here would believe that, but they don’t know him like I do. They don’t know me like I do.

They can’t.

They’ve never had their own parents look on them with fear in their eyes. They’ve never learned the hard way that love only goes so far. They’ve never been told there were no schools, no jobs, no food, no shelter, and no compassion for their kind on either side of the law.

And beyond that, they’ve never known the affliction itself. The pain of it. The sheer terror of the transformation. The naked awakening - alone, shivering, damp, and filled with the certainty that you have killed in the night.

No.

They cannot know.

They cannot know how that drives men, if we are men, to madness.

They have not lived as we have lived. They do not understand.

No matter how they try, it is not possible.

They cannot know how much I understand him; how close I came to being him.

We all grieve today in our own way.

Harry has lost his mentor and idol.

The other students have lost their headmaster.

Minerva has lost her oldest friend.

Sybill and Hagrid have lost the one man who believed in them.

And I… I have lost my salvation.

The Muggles have a saying. There but for the Grace of God.

I don’t profess to be an expert on them, but this phrase I very much understand, despite my inability to believe in a “higher power.”

For I do not know where I would be without my saving Grace.

Oh! That is a lie!

I know exactly where I would be. I’d be on Voldemort’s arm, like my creator.

I have little doubt of it.

As much imagination as most here would need to see that, I need little.

For what has saved me from darkness?

As a boy it was James, Sirius, Lily, and even Peter. Now it is Harry, Hermione, The Weasley’s, Kingsley, and even Tonks.

My friends. My family.

None of whom I would know if one man hadn’t seen past my condition; if one wizard hadn’t made my attendance at Hogwart’s a reality instead of the pipedream of a freakish child.

And so I grieve for my savior.

I shall miss you, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore.

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