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This Little Piggy – Bollocks Version

Fandom: Sherlock (BBC)
Rated: PG
Category: 221B Fic. Gen. John POV.
Series: Any pre-Mary.
Spoilers: General Series Knowledge Only.
Summary: I suppose I really should be getting used to things like a pig in the flat by now.
Word Count: Why, 221 (and ending with a “B” word), of course!
Note: A longer version of this story is posted as chapter eight in my Solstice Stories collection, but it was fun to do a Bollocks version (which was actually the original idea), so here we are.

xxx

How do I get into these situations?

I mean, there’s a pig in the living room. A pig!

And Sherlock is passed out in my bed.

It’s not worth waking him. He hasn’t slept in at least four days, and when he does that and then finally passes out, it’s practically impossible to get him out of bed. Unless there’s a case, of course.

Well, I don’t have one of those.

I just have a bloody pig in the flat.

He said it came from the petting zoo and that it could go back.

That’s all I’ve got.

So I guess I’ll spend my Christmas Eve calling around to see which petting zoo is missing a pig and then return the old girl.

Why not?

What else do I have to do on Christmas Eve? I only worked all day and am absolutely knackered and have to get up at oh-dark-thirty to get to Harry’s party.

I really should just leave the pig here. It would serve him right.

But I don’t want to clean up the mess, and that’s not fair to Mrs. Hudson. It’s amazing there isn’t more of one already.

So here I am. Walking halfway across London with a pig on a leash made of  belts because no cab would let me in with my companion.

Bollocks.

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